The Unexplained Mysteries of Ocarina of Time!!
by Morter
Summary: I'm back! Thats why they call me Slim Morter! I got the 2nd part, well, it's 1/2. Theirs too much in Zelda: OOT to be put into one at 2:00 AM!


The Unexplained Mysteries of...  
Zelda 64: The Ocarina of Time!!  
  
Disclaimer: No, I obviously don't own Zelda. If I did, Mido would be dead now would he.  
So would Navi. Ahem...anywho...here's some stuff I couldn't answer about OOT, so I just decided  
to do so. Make sense? I didn't think so. Anywho, ON WITH THE SHOOOOOOOOOOOOW!  
  
  
Oh by the way. If you read my Majora's Mask fic, you should know about the Deku Princess beating  
up her dad. I have the solution. SHE JOINED THE LUMBERJACK SOCIETY!  
  
Now...on with the show....  
  
I shall put each mystery into sections.  
  
  
  
Kokiri Forest  
Q: What the HELL is up with Mido? HE'S A BITCH! _ (Oh and by the way, I like using anime faces)  
A: Here's a hint: Ever wonder why when he looks at you, the thing that is sticking out the most  
is his pelvic area?  
  
Q: Why doesn't the elf from the store get a chair or a stoop or something?  
A: He has Richard Simmons tapes volumes 1-16  
  
Q: The Great Deku Tree is scary!!  
A: Yes, but then again, would you rather have that or be destroyed by the only male gypsy in  
existance?  
  
Q: NAVI WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY?!  
A: COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!!!  
  
Q: Can't I get her to shut up?  
A: Unless you have a mute button, you cannot because unfortunately, Miyamato (the creator of Zelda 64  
didn't include the technology of obliterating your fairy by all the 2583 ways to kill her.  
  
Q: Is something wrong with Saria?  
A: Seriously, I don't know, but I think she has a link with Termina and their depressants.  
  
Q: Why did the Deku Tree want me to lift the curse if he was STILL going to die?  
A: Apparently, the whole game started on April 1st...  
  
Lost Woods  
Q: Those skull kids are creepy  
A: Hey! At least they aren't the one wearing skirts now are they?  
  
Q: How come the Deku scrub prices are so high?  
A: They're ex-laywers. The one that sold the the upgrades worked for Johnny Cochran!  
  
Q: Whats the point of a deku scrub upgrade?  
A: The same point for being asked to single handedly save the world: ABSOLUTELY NONE!  
  
Q: Why do the scrubs keep pelting me with deku nuts?  
A: They don't like cross dressers.  
  
Q: Scrubs bother me! What should I do?  
A: Sing this song "I don't want no scrubs. A scrub is a deku, who's ass I kick alot"  
  
Q: How can I beat the Wolfos in the Meadow?  
A: Ring the doorbell and run! RUN RUN! Oh, too late! -_-  
  
Q: I see no point in the Saria's Song! Why do you have to learn it?  
A: 'Cause if you don't you'll get a spankin'!  
  
Ahh, the Great Hyrule Field, and Market!  
Q: AHH! OWL! Get it away!  
A: You can't get him away. He's attracted to cross dressers and seems to be turned on by someone  
with a wooden shield  
  
Q: Ahh! Too many skeletons!!  
A: Hmm...and you wonder why a sword was necesary for this...  
  
Q: How do I get into the castle at night?  
A: Turn into spider man and use your SPIDY WEBS (in other words, you can't ^_^)  
  
Hyrule Market/Hyrule Castle  
Q: Why would someone keep an unguarded (well it's guarded, but the guard doesn't care) room filled with rupees?  
A: Same reason someone would live in a TREE for 10 damn years!  
  
Q: Those 2 dancers are making me dizzy... @_@  
A: 911! 911!!!!!!  
  
Q: Too many doggies there in Hyrule Market! How do i get rid of 'em?  
A: Put on the Dog Catchers Mask, and let the chaos commence!!  
  
Q: Why do they allow bombing in Hyrule?  
A: Same reason they allow you to bowl with them!  
  
Q: How is Zelda able to have prophetic dreams?  
A: (in a jamaican accent) Call me now for your free terot card readin'! ^-^  
  
Q: Ganon's ugly!  
A: So is that damn fairy you hang around with!  
  
Q: Is Malon hitting on me?  
A: No...but that fairy ya got there sure is hot... :P~~  
  
Kakariko  
Q: Dampe's weird lookin and ugly!  
A: Hey, don't judge people by their looks! 'Cept for Dampe, laugh your ass off!  
  
Q: That kid in the graveyard is a wannabe! Can you get him to stop acting like that?  
A: Yeah, tell him that the poltergeist lives their.  
  
Q: AHH! MUTANT SKULLTULA DUDES!  
A: AHH! A CROSS-DRESSER WITH A FAIRY!  
  
Q: Why is that woman allergic to cuccos?  
A: Vegetarian!  
  
Q: The guy says the Keaton Mask is for his son, yet he wears it 24/7!  
A: Can you say "Pokemon Fan?"  
  
Q: Why do the carpenters keep running?  
A: And in other news tonight, Richard Simmons spreads thru Hyrule like wildfire!  
  
IT'S THE GORONS!!  
Q: They're stupid! uh-huhuh!  
A: What do you expect from people to eat rocks?  
  
Q: Is the vase in the middle have any other purpose than supplying you with free stuff?  
A: Yes, it's a priceless relic that they allow you to throw bombs into! ^_^  
  
Q: WHAT THE HELL IS DARUNIA DOING?!  
A: He's dancing...but it doesn't matter seeing as his limbs fly like rubber...and he's half  
made of rock. Did that make any sense? Nah, I didn't think so!  
  
Q: Why do they keep groaning when they get up?  
A: What do you think they're doing when they're curled up?  
  
Q: That Giants knife is bootleg! It gets broken so easily!  
A: Well, why are using it to slice creatures that can endure BOMBS? It IS just a knife  
  
  
Sorry, there will be more to come, but it's too late right now, and too much in Zelda to do in one fic  
without losing insanity. To all, a good fight, good....umm....er....uhh....MORNING! ^_^  
  
Peace out my brodahs! 


End file.
